My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
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Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
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Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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