Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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