And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
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We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
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Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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