Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize