he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
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At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
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My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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