Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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