I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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