I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I think my fart just growled at me.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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