im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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