I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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