I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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