the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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