Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
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I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
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This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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