She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
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I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
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She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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