i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
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