the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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