We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
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Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Are we still banned from the library?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
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I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize