omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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