Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
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thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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