I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize