$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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