I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize