literally had 100 drinks last night.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
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This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
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THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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