1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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