I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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