If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize