Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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