im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
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Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
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You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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