Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize