I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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