hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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