The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
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Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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