hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
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A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
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I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
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