ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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