I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize