I'm pants shitting drunk right now
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
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I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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