So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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