I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a squirter
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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