this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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