Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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