Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize