All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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