I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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