Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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