there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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