Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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