you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
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