Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize