At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Even my vagina gasped.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize