'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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