The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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