Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize